There was an old man from Guangzhou,
Whom nobody happened to know.
So we tried to be nice, and instructed our guys
To inquire about his MO.
There was an old man from Harbin,
Who said, “Let me in! Let me in!”
We honored his wishes, and had surreptitious
Discussions on letting him in.
There was an old man from Sichuan,
Who directed the kids on his lawn.
He was rather aloof, and would sit on the roof,
And descend only when they had gone.
There was a young girl from Xinjiang,
With whom we could not get along.
Her suspenders were girdles; her tortoises, turtles;
Her sandals were thirty feet long.
There was an old man from Beijing:
You couldn’t tell that guy a thing.
He would stop both his ears, and then start to feign tears,—
No, you couldn’t tell that guy a thing!