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i think of others before you too often

Mira Gonzalez

i think of others before you too often
like the one who said that what he felt for me
was too important to say ‘i love you’

back then i just wanted to be nice to someone
but now i want so much more than that

so you will meet my unreasonable expectations
and in exchange, i will adjust my sleeping position
to accommodate the space you fill

when you leave i won’t express anger

i will only extend my arms outward
expecting something comfortable and mine

until then we can spend our days
in a familiar nowhere filled with bodies

staring at our computer screens
drinking our lukewarm coffee

none of it was your fault

you learned that i don’t really want to be happy
my sadness is as unavoidable as having four limbs

i will do anything to stop you from loving me
as long as you promise to continue wanting me
long after i’m gone