To think of Gertrude Stein’s idea
Of ‘continuous present’ 
In the literal makes me think 
Of the time that my friend 
Asked me if I would cry 
When he would die 
And I said yes and that made 
Him smile 

I see the beauty
in the evaporation
It leaves 
a clear vapor
That lets
all we have bypassed 
Into the picture 
The pain is ripe 
but necessary
Looking down the barrel 
Of winter 

The pain is ripe
 but now 
There is hate 
For my heart 
The worst thing 
I know 

It is true 
Not much has changed from 
last year to now 
But 
The same emotional reservoir of grief
Exacerbated from a few to all 
And 
I miss being alive 

But I am not sure I ever was 
So 
You buy yourself some happy 
And we 
do it anyway. 
A candle and a sweater 
Something  bougie 
Salty sweet 

This is how we give an exterior 
Destiny to the interior being 
And I am so bored with this
Being the only collaboration
The people who created Zoom 
Might be shepherds of the devil 
Promoting 
False connection
But 
Family formation is a base for 
Control too

And 
This is how you lose your object 
Because 
You  assume the historical present 
is inside you 

 

And 
You assume the present is what we do together 
So 
We assume we can free ourselves from the burden 
of others, the inconvenience of others peoples
convenience is the new 
Receptivity. 

But 
What if we collectively learned
To reframe the compliment ? 
And 
What if we communicate to others an 
Orientation towards what is secret. 
So 
All we communicate becomes
A clarifying agent.

And 
I see you 
In truth 

So 

Confident
And no longer 
Conquered by 
Your fear 

I want to ask you 
Who do you actually want to let in ? 
Because 
Your infrastructure has to be generative 
So 
Loosen your object 
Maybe 
Disassociate if you like 
But dismantle  
the placeholder 

Maybe this is 
An idea of living to the limit 
Counting off days like almonds 
Because 
They cannot be scaled by optimism 
or object 

We 
Transform by people building together 

And 
The present is now && now &&& now      now 

Who is we ?  
A competing presence 

The impossibility to even be a we 

Everything we engender is a placeholder for rn 

The questions brings us together 

So 

What do we do with the question ? 

This is 
The sentimental circle 
And the 
Flow of affective oppressions 
Lauren Berlant says we are living in a moment 
where people want to balladize the injury 

This is the song of 
The romantic sublime 
And 
How does being overwhelmed shatter you ? 

So 

Loosen your objects 

It is ok if 
You lose it 
Just 

Become a fragment 

This is 

An opportunity to remake it into a kind of geological optimism 

Because 

In capitalism, you think your objects are an articulation of you. 

And 

The hook is really a repetition of you. 

And 

The attachment drive 

Is 

What brings us into the world 

And 

We want to be in the world 

Because 

We just want to be near our objects

But 

 

WE HAVE 
TO PAY ATTENTION 
TO WHAT WE DO
 IN THE FACE 
OF THE NEFARIOUS THINGS
 THEY DO 

Fred Moten said this once  

and I think about it 

all of the time 

Now 

The back of my brain 

might be the videographer 

And 

your eyes are the lens 

So 

Do I feel compelled to share more 

or hide completely ?

And 

 I will never forget 

The picture you made 

Of my life with you 

Now 

I am  a product 

Of my own dreams  

And 

Nobody else’s

present 

So 

This is the end 

is the sun. 

 

And her smile, my smile 

Their smile 

will always be

A  Ghost.