Happy Ending

Ana Božičević

I saw a movie
Called james white
In which a son

Tells his dying mother
(there’s no dad in the picture)
About the perfect life

She never had
He tells her they’re living
In paris

& she’s
Surrounded by friends & fam
A loving boyfriend

And is beautiful & treasured
In her own right
But in reality

She’s retching & he’s
Holding her on the bathroom floor
And that’s love

That’s what i wanted
To do for u
To paris

We’d go and eat the moussiest cheese
And to tokyo and sample
Mushrooms off a plate

Dressed as the forest floor
And i’d look

And u’d look however
U wanted to look
Because there’s no part

Of u that’s not
Ideal to me
From when u were born by the sea—

But we can’t
The world

& we're broke and fighting
& still have (i feel)
Too much

Now i feel
We need to go somewhere

A field of clouds
Then a beach—
The one where u are married

To some new love of ur life
And i attend
And even sing a song—

Even though i might not
See into loving
Anyone beside u

Anyone after u
And even if
I’m as happy as

Gatsby when i see
That green light
On the messenger light up

From across
The dark dark

I will be at ur deathbed
If u want me there
And at ur funeral

I won’t be shy about
My love
And i’ll see u

When we’re particles
Or ghosts

And that’s love
That’s what i want
To do for u

Would u do the same
Can u even
Maybe u just

Can’t even
And not even knowing
Whether u do

Well that’s love too
Its own meaning
It’s what i’ve been meaning

To talk to u about
Now let’s talk about something else—
Like what

I would like
In an ideal

I’d like
Fight and fuck
Rather than fight

And fall apart
I’d like to pick u up
At an ancient island airport

So happy u r there
And that that’s life
I would like

To know that when
Alien teens
Find these notes

We write about
Each other
At some distant time

When all that’s left
Of u and me
Is dew—

They will say
Do u see how in love

They used to be
It wasn’t just

The carnival
Of selves
It was real love

That force that rolls
Thru everything
& powers the stars

& they’ll speed away
But life is not
A godard movie

Not an early one anyway
It’s more like

In which
To footage of green fields

With the trust i recognize
He says i said
I love

That is the promise
By which he means
As long

As i love
I know
That love exists in the world