I Revisit Age Four

J.H Yun

I imagine myself a child
and suddenly
I am a child again
as I was as a child.
English has just begun
to bruise my tongue
but I am all Korean,
though Sometimes I wish I was blonde.
I live in California
but on a street called Washington street,
so I think I live in Washington state
and dream of California weather
all sun all the time, but at night
when God throws stars like darts
he punctures the ground sometimes
and it can’t feel nice.
Despite funerals, I still don’t know
what it is to die.
Which is why I hope ghosts are real
Who would rather be gone than a ghost?
Whoever says they, are liars.
They are liars.
But enough of this.
I am a child
I still live closer to birth than death.
Sometimes I dream of being a mother
I pluck picked clean ham hocks
from trash cans and go outside.
I part the soil like a small red sea
I’ve seen Halmeoni erect enough garlic shoots
and carrot roots to know how this works.
I cover the bones in soil.
And wait for pigs to grow.